This article was published in the German daily newspaper Die Welt, under the title “Ich woltte mich selbst erkennen”, and is a thank you speech at a ceremony of the protestant prize “La parola impavida” (“The fearless word”) to a German Muslim woman.

I am a daughter of this country. I am also daughter of a great love between my parents. As a baby I came to Germany from Istanbul and was brought up in a small town in the ‘60s and ‘70s. It was a time when Muslims were still considered exotic. In this way I only had pleasant experiences, when at 13 I started to attract attention by wearing the veil. Through my father I learned to know and love a concept of Islam centered around the faith in a Creator. He was someone who did what he said, and said what he thought. Due to his immense respect for all the created he felt his calling, as a doctor, was to love and help people.

With this approach to life he was committed to the social problems which afflicted the growing number of Muslims in Germany, and he founded the first Islamic association. During my marriage, which has lasted 25 years, I have had 6 marvellous babies, 5 of whom male. Following my father’s example, as well as my studies and duties as a mother, I also became committed to carrying out projects designed to satisfy the needs and interests of local Muslims. For several years I have had the pleasure of being the President of Islamic associations. They were associations which dealt with children’s education. I gave up the presidency two years’ ago and today speak exclusively for myself.

Being a Muslim in Germany

In the last 40 years many things have changed in the lives of the Muslims in Germany. Today there are parallel societies and ghettos, there are fundamentalists and fanatics, and young Muslims who are caught mid-fire. There is a religious concept which, due to prejudice-related ignorance, often produces considerable mistrust and distance between worlds, instead of uniting them. I ask myself if the minority status has resulted in finding solace in this way of conceiving religion. Muslims do not have it easy in this country, because no one asks you the questions which could make you reflect. Some hold back as a supposed form of courtesy; most lack curiosity. Today I tell myself that I would have been happy if someone from the other world had asked me some intelligent and brave questions concerning my faith. Perhaps I would have come across what is meant by “reasons for enlightenment” much sooner. Instead, it was the debate on the veil which pushed me to do more research into it. After a careful examination both from theological sources and from my existential realty, after more than thirty years, I have bid adieu to my veil.

The veil

Each of us has to take the liberty of having new experiences for themselves, of discovering their own path towards self-consciousness. My daughter, for example, feels very comfortable with her veil at the moment. Without self-consciousness there can not be the experience of God. And those who want to know God have to move closer to the creation of God. Removing the veil, which is something I now take for granted, has not been easy, because through it I had developed an image of myself which was in line with moral values. It took me two years of research and experimenting before parting with it, as I am someone who does not like to do things by half. It is not like my life now has become better, because it has always been good, but it has become completely different; more emotional and varied. It is only now that I am worthy of the freedom I have now. What has especially changed has been how others around me perceive me. The act of no longer wearing the veil means first of all: no longer attracting attention and no longer being under pressure on how to behave; more freedom of movement in getting to know the word of men, and no longer suffering from possible limits in the world of work.

My research on theological sources, and my observations from a new perspective, have lead me to a frightening conclusion, which is that in the context of a religious context, which works with Sin and Punishment and Prohibition, spreads a dividing image of man; a concept of a person, who marginalises women without the veil and discriminates against men. The worst thing for me is that this concept claims the Creator for itself. Because one could actually think that the Muslims’ God had something against women’s hairdos. But I am sure, that he has nothing against it. Many Muslims, however, do not know what they are doing, because they do not reflect on these links; they are not asked intelligent questions by those who surround them, and do not want to let go of their much-loved habits, because habits give security. Many women who wear the veil do not even know another reality. It is precisely for this reason that a ban of wearing the veil sanctioned by law certainly does not lead to longed-for self-reflection. Freedom cannot be forced.

Responsibility towards oneself

Therefore I believe that it is very important that those people who wish to take on their responsibilities not be subject to restrictions and not be marginalised, to have to bend to what others imagine. One can only have new experiences if the freedom of movement in interpersonal communication is guaranteed. It was these new experiences which made me think, and which made it possible to make some comparisons in order to finally make a decision. One such important experience was the realisation that the Quoran can be understood in its historical context. Today for example, unlike in the age of the Prophet, no man still needs a clear sign such as the veil so as not to molest a woman. An interesting fact is that this was precisely one of the reasons for the verset of the veil in the Quoran. The problem of the veil today would be easy to resolve if men were to talk of their own perceptions. Because when a woman hides behind a veil, it is because of men.

Today we would define the prophets as spokespeople for God’s public relations, as for their time they did a good job, having succeeded, through the best means of communication, to fervently attack and brush away negative and sclerotic social conventions. These were whole and authentic, and brought messages first hand on behalf of their Boss. Without the faith of the people they would not have succeeded. The Islam of the Prophet Mohammed, characterised by a valid daily practice, that is to say orientated towards the afterlife, without dwelling for too long on religious symbols. Today much of this offers a base of wisdom, on which, over the centuries, a spiritual growth could develop which corresponded to the pretext of universality. Today, however, in these messages one can see ways of thinking, interpretations and in part archaic concepts, which for some people with different opinions become the pretext to mutually discredit each other. The spiritual maturity nevertheless does not make use of the reproduction of knowledge which has been passed down, but makes a relative link to the reality of life today possible.

My faith

I see myself as joined to the reality of life today, with a new-found religious sensitivity. For me, faith has become an internal question of spiritual growth and maturing, which is shown in one’s behaviour towards themselves and others, and which cannot be a question of externalisation. For me, faith is what can be defined as a conscious relationship with the Creator himself. Up until now it was more an estranged relationship, because I had subjected myself to a group mentality which relates itself to a Creator through rituals. Now I have moved on from this learned submission to a more personal relationship with my Creator. My seventeen-year-old son summed it up well, saying a little while ago: “Mum, but you are not a Muslim anymore, you only believe in God”. Is it not maybe enough to only believe in God to feel well-protected? Because it is not good to feel alone.

The image of God

At an initiative dedicated to the theme of “Islamophobia”, two years ago in Berlin, I asked the Muslim spokesman if he saw a connection between faith in a punitive God and the violence of certain Muslim men. He replied: “We left removed the God who punishes as a didactic instrument from our study programme”. The time has come for those adults, who have caused mental damage through the image of a punitive God, to recognise their own responsibilities. Therefore I ask the Churches and Muslims to free the Creator from their intellectual grasp, so that the Creator can be accessible to all without any obstacles. Because a person can recognise their own Creator even if they reflect and perceive with all their senses. The Creator with His perfection is always at the service of His created.

We urgently need a clarification of the image of God. I fervently believe that the Creator, if recognised for what he is, or rather perfect compassionate intelligence, can lead us to dialogues regardless of different group memberships. The Creator must be a new place in the centre, as a universal “trait d’union” among his created. Everything that the Creator wishes for is, in my opinion, contained in the following, easily-understandable principle which has been passed down to us: “I was a hidden treasure, and I gave life to Creation, so that I was recognised” (Sacro Hidith). Recognition of the Creator is an extremely personal matter, and we each have our own speed, and I refuse to accept that the Creator with His books unveiled, conducts frontal lessons. No one can be forced to talk, and one cannot force someone to be open to new experiences. But perhaps we can still succeed, as a feeling of responsibility towards our children, in forming a dialogue where one listens too, and where criticism is recognised as a compliment.

I hope for a concept of religion which recognises and promotes independent thought as a means for growth and spiritual maturity.

Translation by Sonia Ter Hovanessian